How I stopped Hating my body

I used to hate my body.

I have this really random and weird memory from when I was about 8 years old. I can recall it with a bizarre level of utmost clarity, like a 4k HD movie. I was sat on the bottom bed of mine and my sisters bunk bed with my leg positioned so that my knee pointed to the ceiling and my foot lay flat on the bed. I was staring at the slope of my hamstring in the mirror, grabbing my hamstring saying ‘I wish I wasn’t so fat.’

It’s kind of weird to recall because it was an isolated memory and my dislike of my body didn’t fully take off until a few years later. But is significant because it shows how I absorbed the body issues of society like a sponge and even at such a young and innocent age I had already learnt to hate my body.

I wasn’t fat as a a child. I did lots of running and was super active so was relatively muscular, but I sat there grabbing my muscle, accusing myself of being too fat because most other girls and women shown as beautiful on TV didn’t have muscular hamstrings.

When I was in year 6, I developed early. I started my period at a young age and got boobs super quick. I was a B to C cup at age 10… and I hated it!!

(I KNOW WHAT AN UNGRATEFUL CHILD CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE MY BOOBS WENT IS THIS THE PRICE I PAY FOR UNGRATEFULNESS??? FATHER FORGIVE ME)

I remember playing rugby one time with the rest of my school friends. One of the boys tackled me and my top came down a little, revealing my bra. He pointed at me and said:

“Sara’s got boobs!” And made fun of me and told EVERYONE. I was mortified. I hated having bigger boobs that the other girls.

Then, when I was in year 9 I started a new school. It was my first week, I still had no friends and it was P.E lesson time (at this point I was a top junior athlete, training regularly). As I was getting changed in the changing rooms, another girl (who was incredibly beautiful by all standards of the word) pointed at me and shouted:

“HAHAHAHA SHE’S GOT A MANS FIGURE BUT WITH BOOBS!”

Everyone looked at me as I stood there in my underwear, vulnerable as could be, and they all laughed. I was mortified and I will probably never forget that moment.

I stayed athletic for a good period of my life, ripping jeans with my thighs and constantly longing for a thigh gap. I didn’t like my arms because they were toned and ‘manly’. Then I stopped athletics training and gained a lot of weight. The legs that I hated for being muscular I now hated for their cellulite, the arms that I hated for being too toned I now hated for their bingo wings.

I could go on and on with memory after memory.

Kids in school told me my lips were sausage lips and too big (I have memories of folding my lips in to see what they would look like if they were smaller). A grown (black) woman in church asked me why my skin was so much darker than my sisters and why my nose was so much bigger. Me and Kima (my sister) looked at each other (I was around 12 years old at the time) and there was this moment when we both realised that my skin was slightly darker and my nose was slightly bigger. We had never noticed that before.

So for whatever reasons, I didn’t like my body.

And yet now I genuinely love my body. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wake up each day like DAMN SIS YOU FINE. It’s more of a chilled – I am okay with this to the point where I barely think about it because it’s chill kind of vibe. Sometimes I catch my reflection in the mirror, rolls (yes I still have those), muscles and all on show, and I think something like ‘it’s a crime that the whole world can’t see this fire right now’.

LOL like what? even?

Recently I’ve been pausing to wonder how the heck did I get from hating my body to kind of loving it? When after all – I don’t actually look that much different. I probably looked ‘better’ by worldly standards, when I was 16 years old.

I want to keep this post short (failed already) , so I’ll bullet point this, but from my reflections so far – here’s how I did it:

  1. I realised that I don’t have to be pretty. 

Nahhh let’s pause here.

I DON’T HAVE TO BE PRETTY!!!!

Or beautiful!!! Or sexually attractive!!

Adjusting my body to fit other peoples idea of beauty is LITERALLY NOT MY PURPOSE IN LIFE.

It’s like asking an eagle why it can’t swim. Like hun – it’s an eagle and it’s about to fly off and leave you feeling as irrelevant as that question.

That is not my purpose in life. I literally owe beauty to NO ONE.

If some guy finds me unattractive – that is about as relevant as my year 9 Geography grade. My body isn’t here for his sexual pleasure, creep. It’s here to allow me to live. It’s a temple, a vessel for the expression of life. How the heck is some random guy gonna try and belittle that supernatural, Godly purpose to his own creepy little sexual preference?

In the same way that I stopped stressing about my heartbreakingly, tragically low year 9 geography grade when I realised that the glorious combination of google maps and my medical career choice had rendered my geography skills wholly irrelevant to my life, I also stopped caring about my ‘beauty grade’ when I realised it was not my problem.

2. I started looking after it

A whole process, but you really learn to love stuff when you take the time to look after it, improve it, keep it in good condition, polish it and care for it.

3. I saw what happens when peoples bodies fail.

Good health is a blessing. Don’t take your body for granted

4. I realised that I’m the one who defines beauty – not society.

I get to decide what I think is pretty. One day I looked at my thick lips, fully looked at them and realised that I like them big. I genuinely liked them. Turns out society decided to agree 10 years later.

5. I removed myself from people who said mean things to me.

Literally left friends behind (e.g that girl in the changing rooms) because the words and actions that they chose to speak over me were detrimental to me bettering myself and at odds with the purpose on my life

 6. I stopped being mean to myself.

You can cut off all the bullies but if you still look in the mirror and call yourself ugly then you are still getting bullied. Stop being mean to yourself

7. I realised my looks are a gift from my parents and my gift to my future children.

I will never allow anyone to call my parents or future child ugly. Not even me

8. I faked it till I made it

Sometimes, wear that dress with confidence. Post that picture where your arms look huge, keep doing it again and again and don’t ask questions or reflect. Just move on and carry on with life

9. I focused on other things 

My relationship with God, my career, my athletic goals, how much I give, my kindness, my relationships, my ability to forgive others, my room decor, my youtube videos, my meme collection – turns out that when I focused on the important things there wasn’t enough time left over to stress about the width of my calves

 

And that’s all I can think of for now.
It’s a journey. It’s a process. It didn’t happen over night.

But it certainly didn’t happen by accident either.

I hope you get there if you aren’t already. You’re awesome and beautiful and you should be kind about your body.

From someone who knows what it’s like to live in a body that she hates and then live in a (probably quite similar looking but smaller chested) body that she loves – please believe me when I say that life is more enjoyable and fruitful when lived in a state of love.

Make time to learn to love yourself.

Life is better when lived in love.

 

Xoxo

Dr Saz

THE BEST KINDER BUENO BROWNIES

Ok.

brownies

STOP EVERYTHING

It’s not everyday I say this.

BUT STOP EVERYTHING

LET YOUR TEA GO COLD

LET YOUR TAP RUN OVER

Because this insanely delicious recipe needs your FULL attention.

brow

You’ve heard of slutty brownies – Oreo brownies – Creme egg brownies

But where oh where is the brownie ode to Kinder??

Kinder have given us every kind of joy imaginable. From the elegant bueno to the fun sized happy hippos, the creamy touch of bueno chocolate is like no other.

browhnyummAnd it’s about time we had a solid brownie recipe that would honour this gift to mankind.

These brownies are a 9.67/10.

That’s high.

Am I biased because I LOVE kinder?

Maybe.

Am I sorry about it?

Not at all.

 

Without further delay, here is my new recipe that absolutely BANGS

YOU WILL NEED:

  • 100g Kinder bar chocolate (5 bars)
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder
  • 2 teaspoons of vanilla essence
  • 180g butter
  • 200g caster sugar
  • 100g plain flour
  • pinch of salt
  • 5 kinder bueno bars
  • Kinder chocolate of choice to decorate (I used kinder eggs, happy hippos and kinder bon bons for an easter theme!)

METHOD:

  • Line a deep baking tray with baking paper and preheat the oven to 160 degrees
  • Melt the kinder chocolate – you can use a microwave on short 20 second blasts but to avoid burning the chocolate, place it in a plastic bowl above hot water
  • Once melted, leave the melted chocolate to cool (not harden)
  • Mix butter and sugar with an electric mixer until pale and fluffy
  • Add the vanilla and eggs and beat
  • Pour in the chocolate when cool (if you pour it in while hot it will cook the eggs and you’ll get some weird breakfast brownie thing that no one wants #dontdoit)
  • Sieve in the flour and cocoa powder along with the pinch of salt
  • Fold in the flour until it is barely mixed in
  • Add half the mixture to the tray
  • Get the kinder buenos and smash them up while in packets (heart breaking I know, but trust me)
  • Lay the broken bars onto the brownie mix (so it’s like brownie – bueno – brownie)
  • Add the remaining brownie mixture on top
  • Put the tray in the oven for 20 minutes
  • After 20 minutes, add your decorating chocolate to the top then pop the tray back in the oven for another 10 to 15 minutes depending on how gooey you like them! (adding the decorating pieces once the brownie is already partially cooked stops them from burning)

Allow to cool before you cut and LIVE YOU BEST LIFE

I just

I just can’t.

Thank you kinder 🙂

PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT IF YOU MAKE THESE!

I’d love to know your thoughts because I truly believe these are a game changer

xoxo

Dr Saz

 

Easter Mini Egg Vanilla CupCakes

easter12okOoo it’s Easter! The celebration of God loving you so much that He sent His son to die for your sins so that you can have and awesome relationship with Him, perfect peace and joy and love and what better way to mark a really significant world changing event that with these delicious vanilla cupcakes?

I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not. I am honestly unsure what baking has to do with Easter, but hey – I love any chance to bake so I’LL TAKE IT.

These cupcakes are easy, light and fluffy and will put a smile on anyones face. Ready?

Let’s go!

WHAT YOU NEED:

(Makes 12)

  • 200g self raising flour
  • 200g butter
  • 200g caster sugar
  • pinch of salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla essence
  • 2 tablespoons of Greek yoghurt

FOR DECORATION:

  • Mini Eggs
  • Ready made Vanilla Buttercream OR DIY
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
  • 500g icing powder aka icing sugar aka confectioners sugar
  • 250g unsalted butter
  • 1 teaspoon milk

 

INSTRUCTIONS:

  • Beat the softened butter with an electric mixer until it’s white, light and fluffy
  • Add the sugar and repeat
  • Add the eggs, vanilla essence and 1 tablespoon of the flour and mix
  • Sieve in the rest of the flour and a pinch of salt and continue to mix
  • Divide the cake mix into 12 cupcake holders
  • Cook on 150 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until a tooth pic comes out clean
  • If you’re making your own buttercream you can do this while the cupcakes are in the oven! Beat the butter with and electric mixer until its suuuuuuuper white and fluffy. Add in the icing sugar (a tiny bit at a times to avoid a powder explosion/sugar coated kitchen.) Add the milk and vanilla and either pipe or spoon the delicious buttercream onto the cakes once they are cool!

 

DECORATING

I went for an ombre rose icing with a mini egg to top, but you can totally style these however you’d like! If you’d like to learn how I do the ombre icing then click HERE to watch my video tutorial (coming soon, editing videos takes a while sooory). I also used some edible glitter spray to make them really POP

easter1i.jpg

Are you gonna make these?!

Don’t forget to tag me if you do – @DrSaraSienna! And Happy Easter!

xoxo

Dr Saz

My Coffee Corner

So as you may or may not know, I’m a little in love with coffee. There have been times when I let my relationship with coffee consume me meaning I drank 4 cups a day, and other times when I let it bankrupt me meaning I went to Starbucks twice a day which is the financial equivalent of taking out a mortgage.

 

But since then, we’ve found a happy balance, coffee and I. I’ve invested in a few bits and bobs that help me make my one cup a day – a quality cup a day.

giggles and filt.jpg

I was a little nervous before making these investments. My goals was to be able to make a starbucks level quality cup of coffee from the comfort of my own home. I figured that instead of spending £10 per day on my love, I could spend £200 one time and get that £5 beverage for a relative cost of 50p – which would decrease each time I made one. I didn’t want to stop being a coffee snob. But I did want to be a financially stable coffee snob.

cuuuter

So I took the jump! I banned myself from Starbucks and instead invested in a few pieces. I placed all these happy little products in a place I love to call my coffee corner.  I go there each morning and make a brew as I watch the sunrise and smell the beans and just generally have a moment of peaceful indulgence before the day starts.

In todays post I’m going to welcome you into one of my favourite spots of my flat and tell you the where, what and why of all the pieces it contains.coffe corner.jpg

 

  1. First up : My coffee machine 

This stunning De’Longhi Icona Vintage Traditional Pump Espresso Coffee Machine ECOV311.BG

delonghi 1This De’longhi coffee machine is a dream. It lets me make espresso’s and cappuccino’s and looks so ridiculously cute while doing so. It’s on the cheaper side of the coffee machine families which is ideal for anyone looking for a first buy.  coffee machine

I love that you don’t need to be a fully trained barista to use it too. It’s easy to set up and easy to use. I find myself using the steamer most often (for hot chocolates too!) and the espresso (which fits ESE pods) when I’m looking to feel a bit more boujie.

I love this machine, it’s vintage style, aswell as the fact that it matches my kettle and toaster too! And I’d deffo recommend it.

Click here if you want to get one!

 

2. Syrups

I LOVE SYRUPS. Adding these to my coffee in the morning just adds so much excitement to my day. Is that weird? They are huge bottle which last forever but make me feel like I’m really treating myself when I serve up a fresh butterscotch ice coffee.

ice coff

A dash of this a dash of cinnamon, butterscotch, mint – my goodness I love them all.(except the sugar free gingerbread one. I would not recommend that one. It takes like regret)

Those that I do recommend however, are linked below.

syrups

Click to get yours!:

Butterscotch (just truly delicious)

Mint (makes me feel fresh, light and awake)

Peanut Butter (I’m not a peanut buttery gal but this is more than a flavour it’s a VIBE and aroma and feel)

Pumpkin Spice (yes.)

 

 

3. My Kettle

This kettle is super cute, functions well and matches my coffee machine. That’s all I need to know.

I feel like the whole vintage set by De’Longhi gives my kitchen a homely and eloquent feel.

ket 2

I mean just look at those two together? An investment I don’t regret.

Click here to buy!

4. THE LITTLE THINGS!

  • Cafetiere – I use these usually when hosting guests and I want a strong brew to share. I got them from Asda and H&M Home.
  • Sugar cube holder – not a sugar cube holder – just a glass jewelry box, but looks super cute! Also from H&M
  • SweetBird Syrup Pump – you will NEED these to go along with the syrups! They are re-useable which is great.
  • Jars – the jars on the counter with tea bags and on the rack are from home bargains and poundland – I bought them while at university and if I remember correctly the cost about £1
  • Espresso cup – £1.50 asda
  • Stainless Steel Milk Pitcher – a little harder to find so I bought online! Definitely worth it
  • Plants – These add nothing functional to my coffee corner, but add a nice touch of life. They were around 79p from aldi and are some a basil and corriander plant placed inside a couple of mason jars for a whole look 🙂 I do actually use these when cooking and find them surprisingly easy to keep almost alive!

 

One tip for all of the above I’d give is rinse them/wash them straight after use! Especially the milk frother part of the coffee machine! If you leave it – you’ll regret it but it you simply wipe it down with a clean coffee straight away, you’ll find it a pleasure to use and maintain 🙂

And those are the main bits and bobs! …For now.

I’m really grateful to enjoy these items and given that I’ve had so many questions on what I use and where I get them, I thought I’d share!

The links in this post are affiliate links meaning I get a small amount if you buy directly through them – but it doesn’t charge you any more. If you’d like to purcahse any of these items, buying them through the links would be an awesome way to support my blog/online life – but please don’t feel obliged to buy this stuff just because I’ve put them here!

Thanks for your love and internet friendship!

 

XOXO Coffee Loving Dr Saz

Banana & Apple Healthy Breakfast Muffins

Oh yes.

app

These banana and apple muffins are super easy, healthy, fun and most importantly delicious. A brag worthy rating of 8.84

I love to bake a large batch ( I double up on the recipe below) and pop them in the freezer. If I know I’ve got a busy day ahead, I’ll take some out to defrost the night before or microwave them in the morning for a hot delicious breakfast.

apppp

YOU WILL NEED:

(makes 6)

  • 1 apple – diced
  • 1 banana – mashed
  • 1 teaspoon cinammon
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
  • 1 table spoon sunflower oil (optional)
  • 3 table spoons of self raising flour
  • 3 tables spoons of oats
  • pinch of salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

 

appp

apMETHOD

  • Pre- heat your oven to 170 degrees and grease a muffin tray – or line up 6 muffin cases on a tray.
  • Put the diced apple and a teaspoon of cinnamon in a microwaveable bowl – stir so that the apples are covered in the cinnamon and add a dash of water
  • Heat the cinnamon covered apples in the microwave for 1 to two minutes until soft-ish. Set aside to cool
  • Mash the banana in a large bowl
  • Add in the eggs and mix em up
  • Fold in the sifted flour, along with the oats, salt, baking powder and vanilla essence
  • Fold in the cooled (ish) apple chunks
  • Put a couple tablespoons of mix in each muffin case and put the tray in the oven  for 10 to 15 minutes until the delicious muffins are golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean when poked in the middle of one.

Serve and enjoy!

Let me know what you think!

XOXO Dr Saz

https://www.instagram.com/drsarasienna/

www.youtube.com/sarasienna?sub_confirmation=1

 

Hash Brown Waffles Recipe

Oh my goodness

1 food

Possibly the most perfect, deliciously indulgent brunch recipe I have ever made.

Ok – I literally just ate these so I may be slightly shook – but I’m gonna go ahead and rate these a SOLID 9.13 and that is no small feat!!!

6Get your mates, husband, side man, nan and your personal trainers cousin round for breakfast – because the world NEEDS to know this recipe.

YOU WILL NEED:

  • 2 potato – shredded
  • 1 egg
  • 1/4 onion – finely cut
  • Parsley
  • Salt
  • 1 table spoon of coconut oil (softened)
  • Pepper
  • All purpose seasoning ( I use Aromat)
  • Couple spoonfuls of grated cheese
  • Soft cream cheese (highly rec) & Salad leaves to serve

5 food

3 foodMETHOD

  1. Grate the potatoes on the small holes side (?) of a grater
  2. Rinse them well – leave to sit in water for two minutes as you slice the onions4 food
  3. Drain the water from the shredded potatoes
  4. Mix in the egg, cheese, salt, pepper, coconut oil, seasoning parsley and onion
  5. Spritz your waffle maker with non stick cooking spray and heat it up
  6. Spoon mixture into waffle maker and cook until golden brown (around 10 minutes)
  7. Smother with cream cheese and sprinkle with leaves to serve

If you need a waffle maker click here for the one I love!!5

Wow.

I love it.

food 2

Do you love it?

Please let me know if you try it!  It tastes SOOO much better than it looks in the pictures.

OK LY BYE

XOXO

DR SAZ

 

Broccoli & Pesto Chickpea Pasta

Oh Hey Cuties!

Ready for a quick, easy, filling vegan meal prep recipe?

yaas

I tried this recipe a little while ago while entertaining friends, then edited it to make it a little easier and more nutritious! Hope you like!

maiin

Let’s go!

Ingredients

  • Pasta
  • Basil Pesto
  • Chick Peas
  • Lemon zest (or a couple of teaspoons of juice)
  • 1 large broccoli floret (boiled and mashed)
  • Chilli flakes
  • Teaspoon of ginger
  • Salt
  • Black pepper

lool

Method

  1. Sprinkle the pasta with salt and boil
  2. Boil the Broccoli
  3. Mash the broccoli
  4. Stir the mashed broccoli and all other ingredients into the pasta
  5. et Voila  🙂

mashed brocoliIt really is that easy!

You can top it with cheese to serve (I love it with parmesan)  if you’d like!fre

Let me know what you think!

xoxo

Dr Saz

Cajun Chicken & Couscous – MEAL PREP RECIPE

Oh Hey friend!

This meal prep recipe is quick, easy, healthy and most importantly DELICIOUS!

You can eat it hot or cold which is a treat for those of us who often don’t have access to a microwave at work! Here’s what you need:

Ingredients

  • Chicken breast (cut into small to medium pieces)
  • Thyme
  • Cajun seasoning
  • Table spoon of oil
  • Cous Cous
  • Red and yellow peppers – sliced thinly
  • 3 tablespoons of pesto
  • Salt
  • Kale – washed and stalks removed

Method:

  • Season chicken with thyme, cajun, olive oil and a splash of water
  • Cook in the oven according to instructions (25 to 35 minutes)
  • Once cooked, pour the chicken and chicken stock  stock into a pot
  • Boil the kale in water with a pinch of salt for 8 minutes
  • Add pesto, cous cous and boiled water to the pot with the chicken
  • Season with salt and pepper
  • Place a lid on top of the pot and allow it to sit for 5 minutes
  • Once the cous cous is cooked, stir in the sliced peppers and kale
  • Divide into portions
  • Fridge/freeze for storage 🙂

You can see the VIDEO RECIPE here!

Truly loved this prep, so easy and convenient and truly delicious!

8.98/10

Let me know if you try it!

xoxo

Dr Saz